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How many calories do you burn when you make love? I’m thinking if it’s high enough, wouldn’t promiscuity be a better way of getting fit than going to the gym? Besides, I’d love to be able to say, “I’m not a whore; I’m an athlete.” In all seriousness, if I can fuck the fat off, why would I try to try to jog it off?
– Aspiring Slut
Dear Aspiring:
You must be joking. You’re as wrong as pumps at a leather bar. Do the math and you’ll see what I mean. Let’s say you weigh 160 pounds. You’d burn 18 calories while engaging in 10 minutes of foreplay and 102 calories with 20 minutes of intercourse (a ridiculous figure since most guys last an average of 5 minutes when they’re topping).
Even, so compare how many calories you’d burn:
30 minutes of sex: 120 calories
30 minutes of running: 307 calories
30 minutes of aerobics: 254
30 minutes of weightlifting: 220
There are other advantages to working out or playing sports, soup-for-brains. Last time I heard you can’t get syphilis from softball, crabs from croquet or genital warts from weightlifting.
If you go against my advice and pick sexercising over exercising, you can maximize the calorie burn by picking the right activity. Here’s a helpful chart:"
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